The biggest problem I have in life (and this is going to be very much the first world sort, mind) is having too many interests that I love equally. I’ve never really picked one favorite or one single path to go, but instead, have kept going at all these hobbies and in the end, some of them have somewhat become jobs for me.
I often wish I could’ve just gone with one. Because let’s face it, I’d be pretty far along now if I’d just picked one line of work and kept at it. But how can I? I love photography. I love writing. I love creating anything out of anything. I love entertainment, animals, arts, cultures, traveling, so many things I sometimes can’t even keep track of them.
I’d love to work in theatre. I dream about it all the time. I’m really into stage design and props, since (as far as I know) it sounds like a job I’d like: coming up with clever ways of making something look impressive with the lowest possible budget, while being surrounded by other creative people. Each creative in something different, but working towards a mutual goal.
I also dream of escaping the digital life altogether, living on an island somewhere surrounded by rescue dogs and other animals. And charity. I have ideas for charities all the time.
My typical (active) day consists of writing, working on websites, code, graphic design and emailing tons of people like collaborators, journalists and even organizers. I get new ideas daily; they’re usually something related to Fangirl Quest, but often just random ideas of paintings I’d like to get done, fiction I’d like to write, projects I’d like to start.
I have a folder called “ideas” on my computer with hundreds of photos and graphics, stuff that reminds me of an idea that I’ve had at some point. The idea is usually a painting or a drawing, but it can be anything really: a design for a t-shirt, a piece of fan art, coloring book images, storylines for children’s books.
My head is constantly filled with this stuff and there’s no rest. Yet, I often find myself just lying on the bed staring at nothing or Netflix, incapable of turning any of these ideas into reality. It makes me feel lazy and anxious, and I wishing I never had any creativity in me to begin with.
I often dream of having a manager. Someone who’d get me jobs and told me what to do, so I could escape all these ideas and random tasks I come up for myself.
I worry. I worry that it’s not possible to keep living this way. I worry that I’ll have to give all this stuff up and finally pick just one and go with it. Because how else am I going to find a career, a lifestyle, my place in the world?
(Told you. It’s a very first world problem.)